A beautiful life lived

Photo Credit: Marisa Rose 

Hello Reader,

Over the last couple days I have written this and re-written this about a thousand times. I mean how do you adequately express how someone as remarkable as Betty touched not only my life but so many lives around her?

It's crazy to me that in the blink of an eye you can be given a time frame on life. Betty was known as Mamaw's to many and she will forever be that to me. This wonderful women fought a great battle of cancer and was so happy and positive through it all. Mamaws has been in my life for quite some time now and I truly am so grateful I was able to know someone as sweet as her. For those who knew her, you will remember her constant smiles and never missing a chance to hug you each time she saw you. Or her amazing listening skills at each family party as she genuinely listened to everyones stories around her.

I have many amazing memories of Mamaws that I will cherish forever. To name a few, she was the dance grandma along side my grandma Rodgers who was also her best friend. Betty was always at every competition cheering all her "grand daughters" on no matter what! Another moment I will remember and love is when she took me to get a garter for my wedding she was so adament about helping out in any way she could and the garter was something she insisted on buying for me. The day we went to get one she was so sweet and wanted to make sure I really loved it. The garter was only about $4.00 when we got up to the register and she felt so bad that it was not more and wanted to spend more on me. I assured her and told her "whether it is $4.00 or $400 I love it the same, because it is a special gift from you Mamaws" she instantly cried and we hugged for what seemed liked 10minutes. It was that day that I realized even the smallest things in life can bring joy and happiness. Which that day picking out a garter brought me an abundance of happiness!

Lastly of the many memories I could write about, it was a couple weeks before she had found out and told us all that she was diagnosed with cancer. I had stopped by her house to deliver some shampoo to Arica (her granddaughter), Glenda her daughter was their getting ready to leave for work and I had sat talking to them for about 40mins until Glenda had to leave for work. Most of the time that would have been my cue and I would left as well but that Friday night I decided to stay. Mamaws and I talked for over an hour and a half just catching up. She told me about stories of hers from growing up and what was going on in her life at the moment and it was easily one of my favorite conversations I have had with her. She also had told me that night about what they thought was a cyst in her stomach and she said that all she had wanted is to make it to Arica's graduation day and then she would be ok. I held back the tears as she got chocked up. Even as I drove home that night I couldn't stop thinking about that and just hoping she would get to go to graduation!

Mamaws actually passed away just a couple weeks short of Arica's graduation and to be honest I will never understand why! My immediate thought when I found out about her passing was why now? why so close to her wish? I may never know the answer to this but I truly believe that ''everything happens for a reason". Although everyone is extremely saddened by the news of her passing I have comfort knowing that she will always be there watching over us with her angle wings spread wide. Thank you mamaws for alway being there when we needed you and thank you for being my grandmother even though we are not blood related, you always made me feel so special💖I love you.

xoxo 

Bee behind the chair

Still "figuring it out" at 23

Hello reader, 


Well, this post won't be a long read and nothing crazy. I find it pretty comical that when I was younger I thought that by my early twenty's I would have everything in life "figured out". You know the life you see in movies where they live in a nice house with the white picket fence, have great stable jobs, and their whole lives ahead of them? Haha, funny right? I just turned 23 last week and I can tell you I definitely do not have it all figured out and my life is not like I thought it would be. 

That is what I think is so great about life, it is so unpredictable and nothing really can ever be planned out. I may not be that 23-year old that has it all put together but if we are being honest I know plenty of 50-year-olds clear up to 92-year-olds and so on, that still do not have their lives "figured out". That's what is cool no matter how old we get we will never be able to completely predict what is to come in our future. I may not have fully comprehended this when I was little but I am glad I know that now! My life is perfect just the way it is and I can't wait to see what the future holds whether it be good or bad! Here it goes to being 23 😉

xoxo

Bee behind the chair

"Strive to be the best you, not the best "her" -Braidie Gummow

Photography: Marisa Rose 

Hello reader,

I am writing because something struck a cord with me tonight. Over the last couple months I have had many eye-opening moments or realizations. These are things I have always known but forgot over the course of this year.

First my two favorite movies "The Greatest Showman" and "Wonder" both of these movies have some of the best messages and have truly inspired me more than I can express. Second, tonight as I was sitting in my living room watching America Idol and balling like a little baby I finally mustered up the courage to write down my thoughts for the public. Thank you to Maddie Zahm who auditioned for American Idol and brought along her best friend who has down syndrome and talked about how he gave her the confidence and drive to be herself again.

I haven't wanted to talk about this because in order to do so I have to be very vulnerable and open which is something that I struggle with. After having all these moments hit me in the face the past couple months I couldn't ignore it any longer. It has given me prospective on how I should view things and try to be the best me. For those of you that have see me in the last year I'm sure you've noticed, but for those of you who have not seen me in a while well here we go...Since I got married in August of 2016 I have gained 35lbs! Yes I know what most people would think "Wow she let her self-go" but if we are being real, let me explain...Over the course of our marriage I have had multiple doctors appointments and tried many different methods to work out the kinks of why I have gained the weight but not drastically changed my eating habits or exercise? I have tried 3 different birth control pill brands and an IUD which we have found I am allergic to all forms which has caused my hormones to not be balanced out. We are still trying to figure things out with testing my thyroid, hormone levels, ect. but here is the real behind the scenes. Because of my weight gain I started losing myself and my confidence. For the last year I have been embarrassed to even be in pictures and haven't acted or felt like myself at all. Being the 5' 3' stalking build I am 35lbs looks more like 80lbs and as you can imagine has made my already round face rounder, my broad shoulders chunkier, and my stump legs stumpier (I know not proper words but oh well). I have always been very active as a dancer and had a major passion for healthy eating and exercising, so gaining weight was never my plan which I mean it's no ones plan, but it has been extremely hard. Over the course of gaining weight I lost my drive to walk back into that gym, not because I didn't want to put in the work but because I was embarrassed for those I may see who know me and would see the new fatter me. Or the time when everyone was pigging out on sweets and I had just that one bite but felt like I had to hide it because I didn't want people to think "she has already gained so much weight why is she taking a bite of that?". I can assume what most people are thinking right now reading this...How ridiculous to be that worried about what others think? Well after many tears, talks with doctors, unconditional love from my amazing husband, and trying to lose the weight I realized your right how stupid! So now to tie in those movies and realizations I have had.

It doesn't matter if I wore a size small a year ago or if I could confidently wear a bikini at the pool. Just because I am heavier then I have ever been or ever wanted to be in my life. Doesn't mean I have to hate on myself for it. Why do we worry if we have gained weight? Why do we compare ourselves to those around us? Why are we never satisfied with what we see looking back at us in the mirror? These are the questions I think we all should be asking ourselves and the list of questions could go on forever. We are all different and beautiful in our on unique ways. Defining beauty or worth by 1 particular idea is not realistic! We all come in many shapes, skins tones, personalities, ect. so why do we all feel like we have to fit into one "Perfect" mold? We should love ourselves and be confident with who we are because in reality there is no "Perfect" person. There are definitely people who come very close to that "Perfect" expectation but I promise you they are struggling just like all of us and have at least one thing they would change about them selves. So I would like to encourage every little girl, teen, or woman to be proud of who they are. Walk tall and confident because there is always someone out there that has a harder life or is struggling with much more than you are.

I don't mean that we should let ourselves go and not care at all but rather "Strive to be the best you, not the best "her". I know we are all going to have our hard moments or multiple moments but if we all try to empower one another and embrace each other I think we will all be much happier!

                                                                          Xoxo

                                Bee behind the chair

Mom and Dad...or Heroes?

Hello reader, 

Today I would like to touch upon parents! Lately I have really been reflecting on my life as a child and how lucky I was growing up with two incredible parents...Ever since I was just a little girl I had this crazy connection with my dad. If any of you know my dad, you will agree he is one of the most christ like and selfless people you will ever meet so it was easy to want to follow every move he made. Trust me when I say though my love for my mom is just as strong we may have had some rough patches during my teenage years which mom "I am so sorry!" haha. Thankfully after I graduated high school my mom and I became very close. She had always been my go-to person to talk to and my best friend but at this point I was finally not as bratty with her. Growing up I was pretty easy going but full of sass. I remember a story my mom and her best friend Nicole told me. I was about 2 or 3 years old and Nic and my mom were hanging out, my mom told me to go clean my room when much to their surprise I stomped up the stairs singing "Cinderella Cinderella Cinderella" lol 😂. I will NEVER live it down!!! The thing about growing up whether I was easy going or a pain in my parents butt, they always showed me unconditional love. Looking back at all the things they supported me through in my life I don't know what I would have done without them. My dad funded all our fun and many many years of dance lessons, competitions, ect. We spent so many hours in his office watching funny YouTube videos or looking up my next song for my solo it was my favorite. Now my mom, we go on really long walks together and talk for hours. She is also very blunt and I love her for that well most the time haha unless we are shopping and she tells me I look fat in something... just kidding I still appreciate it. She is literally my best friend and now that I am out o the house I miss her all the time! 

It's funny how before I got married I honestly couldn't wait to get out of their house. Simply because I just wanted a sense of freedom not that my parents were awful and I wanted to run away! Now being married a year and a half I can honestly say I miss my house and family more than I even thought possible. Don't get me wrong I love being on my own and having my own family (Ty) but I didn't realize how amazing my family was until I left. I'm sure some of you reading this can relate. It's like you have lived with your family your whole life and then in the blink of an eye your gone, your old room becomes your sisters, and you aren't there for every silly moment. I guess it's the circle of life. Although I miss them, starting my own family has been so much fun and I truly am so happy! My only hope is that when Ty and I decide to have kids that we can be even half as good as my parents were to me. My parents will never be just mom and dad to me they will always be...my heroes!

xoxo

Bee behind the chair 

Win or loose we will never be defeated...

Riverton Drill Team Competition

                                                                               

Hello reader, 

Today I would like to reflect upon why I am a drill coach and why I truly love this sport! I first applied to be one of the coaches because of the passion and love I have for dance itself. Shortly it became more about the love I have while watching all of my dancers succeed and accomplish their dreams. This year with these girls has easily been one of the most rewarding and enriching experiences in my life. Drill has taught me so much not only about myself but also about the amazing girls that surround me each day. Let's be honest, no drill coach does this for the money or because they want to wake up at 4:30am for practice every morning 😂. We do it for something much more important than that. Drill has taught me how amazingly dedicated you have to be as a member of the team. Not only do these drill girls spend countless hours at practice each day and memorize every count to multiple routines, but they are constantly pushing themselves to accomplish and succeed at what seems like the most daunting tasks. Being on drill takes sacrifice, dedication, passion, persistence, and love just to name a few. It isn't about the big trophy or major award but rather the character, commitment, blood, sweat, and tears these girls are willing to give for their team and their sport! 

This past month on Riverton Drill Team we had some really high highs and some really low lows. As I watched my girls with both situations I could not get over how each and every girl carried themselves with such dignity and grace. As we went from winning the top team in the state in our character routine at region, to barley missing the mark and not being able to attend state finals...our team never showed weakness or defeat!!! I will never forget these experiences both challenging and wonderful. 

If any of my girls are reading this...I want each one of you to know how truly proud I am of you. You have forever left a mark on my heart and I will never forget this year that I was able to coach you. 💜 I love you guys. Let's bring it even more next season!

For those seniors that are moving on...I know I have only known most of you for this short year, but I know with out a doubt you will ALL do incredible things. Please take with you every experience you have had while on the Riverton drill team and remember, I love you more then you will ever know. Thank you for impacting my life in such a significant way. "Invest more expect more".   

****GO RIVERTON DRILL TEAM!!!! 

Xoxo 

Bee Behind the chair